The Naked Truth
The Power of The P
A few years ago, Kathy and I were having dinner at a nice restaurant with a group
of friends, and the subject of another mutual friend came up. "Debbo"
was in a bad relationship with a woman, whom we'll call KR, and everyone was concerned
about how crazy things had gotten in the last few weeks.
"I just don't understand how Debbo could fall for KR's BS! KR is a liar and
a cheat, and every lesbian within a 100 mile radius knows this"
"Not only that, she's seeing her ex behind Debbo's back!" Audrey
"Lori and I saw Debbo drunk as a skunk at the Dark Side
last weekend!" Vickie dropped that little bomb, and a hush came over the
The Dark Side was the group's made-up name for a gay bar the next
town over. It was shocking that Debbo was there drinking, because she had been
sober and in AA for many years. As we discussed why Debbo would throw away years
of sobriety on someone with a reputation like KRs, our loudmouthed friend
Annie cut in with her opinion of the situation.
Well it sure ain't
no mystery that the Power of The Pussy has struck again"
Annie!" Her girlfriend, Tina, exclaimed. She was turning bright red while
noticing nearby straight patrons glaring at our dyke table.
true!" Annie proclaimed, and then launched into "Everybody knows that
once The Pussy gets involved in a situation, there ain't no turning back, and
there sure as hell ain't no reasoning with it."
After getting over
the bluntness of her statements, everyone at our table nodded in agreement.
I started thinking of other situations where "The Power of The P"
had taken over any rational thought; like another friend who was having serious
problems with a woman she was seeing. My friend was getting ready to break it
off, when her girlfriend showed up at her house, threw her on a picnic table in
the middle of the day, and had a snack pack right there in her back yard! Thank
the Goddess there was a privacy fence, and believe me, as "The Power of The
P" took over my friends mind, all thoughts of breaking up vanished
into a red-hot daze.
Then of course there was my own insanity, when my
Southern Regions hijacked my brain, and I ended up in a similar situation as my
picnic table friend! Anyone who happened to be flying over that swimming pool
on that hot June day, got some great tips on eating at the Y via buoyancy of the
shoulders of my straight, married, female partner!
This is a period
of my life that I refer to as being "Young and Very Dumb," but the sad
truth is that for many women, no matter how old we are, once our bodies shift
to the "In Lust Gear," our logical minds fly right out the window, and
"The Power of The P" can take over.
So in this installment
of "The Naked Truth," we will focus on situations to watch out for when
"The Power of The P," either your own or someone else's, tries to have
its way with you.
Ms. "I am not a lesbian, but..."
This is the person who may swear undying love to you one day, and be back with
her boyfriend or husband the next. She may be a lesbian in the closet or a bisexual.
In the worst situations, this can also be known as "The Power of The P =
Murder and/or Mayhem."
Ms. "I swear I'll be there next time."
This is a woman who asks you to meet her somewhere, but NEVER shows up.
Either she is seeing someone else, or has something better to do. Either way,
Ms. "I had to work late, for the 30th day this month."
This woman's job is more important than you will EVER be. Unless you
want to make love with her money, take the Mercedes she loaned you, drive to the
nearest airport, and fly, fly, away.
Ms. "Sorry I left my wallet,
credit card, cash, at homeAGAIN"
This woman is known as a
lesbo sponge. She will have you paying for everything. Is the Power of Her
P worth you going to the poor house? Only YOU know for sure.
"WHERE WERE YOU? WHO WERE YOU WITH?"
This woman is jealous
of your friends, coworkers, your gynecologist, the hottie UPS driver, your cat,
even your neighbor's potbellied pig. Advice: RUN AWAY FAST or GET TO THERAPY NOW!
Ms. "I'm a musician, an artist, a professional surf border, etc..."
This is great if she's making it in these professions, or even if she
has a day job and also works her butt off every spare moment to make her life's
dream real; but beware of a woman who says she is going to be a star, and expects
you to pay her bills until "The Big Break" happens.
"I love you, but I'm not over my ex."
Also known as "Rebound
Sally, this woman may just be using you to get even with her ex, or she
may be truly going through a painful separation. All you can do is hope and pray
she comes your way. Advice: set a time limit and stick to it.
"I swear this is not a UHaul date."
This woman's toothbrush
is hanging next to yours, and her bra is draped over your shower rod the first
night you meet. If this is a mutual thing, and you both are ready to pack up the
truck and move in together, then go for it. If not, unload the truck in HER yard
Ms. RydHer hard and put her up wet.
woman is different than Ms. Uhaul, as she usually just wants to hop on and ride,
ride, ride. This woman may not tell you that she has been called a slut-puppy
for most of her life. This is a dangerous woman, with pupils that are constantly
overrunning her irises. "The Power of Her P" may be almost impossible
to resist. Words to hear while all logic fades into your throbbing southern regions:
Ms. "I only drink socially."
This is great if it is true, but beware of women who will drink away your money
at night, and lay passed out on your floor all day.
kill you if..."
This is a dangerous, abusive, woman who needs professional
help to control her anger issues. You can not do this for her, so best advice:
SAVE YOURSELFLEAVE NOW.
Ms. "It's always: your fault, your
past, your childhood, your problem..."
It takes two to make or break
a relationship. Get counseling or get out.
Ms. "Yeah but..."
This woman will act like she agrees with you, but she really never does.
She may argue with you to the day you die. Good luck.
can do that better!"
This woman is resentful of anything you are
good at. She may, or may not, be able to do it better, but either way, she's not
letting you shine.
Ms. "Online loveronly."
This woman swears undying love to you, but when you make plans to meet her, she
will suddenly disappear. She could be insecure, scared, or not who she says she
is; she could be a man. ADVICE: If you ever do meet "her," always arrange
to do so in a public place, and always tell a trusted friend your plans.
Ms. "I swear that video recorder is not on."
This is a woman
who may have a degree in electronics, and knows how to disable the Recording light.
The good news is that you may be having wide exposure with your own online film
next week; the bad news is it may be your own little P that is exposed, and you
probably won't get any royalties either!
Remember, always play safe when
"The Power of The P" strikes you!
NOTE: The advice in this column is the opinion of the writers and is not intended
substitute for medical or psychological treatment from a health care
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