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Lesbian Bed Death Part 1
Even if you haven't heard of "IT," you most likely have experienced
it. Lesbian Bed Death is a phrase coined by Pepper Schwartz and Phillip Blumstein
in 1983 from a study they conducted on diminished sexual activity in long-term
relationships. Basically, its the term used to describe the death knell
of the monogamous sex life of a couple. Their study included monogamous lesbian,
gay and heterosexual couples.
First things first
Is Lesbian Bed
Death a real issue, and if so, can it be fixed?
The bad news is that
Lesbian Bed Death does happen. The good news is that you can nurture your sex
life back to health. In this two-part article, well look at LBD and things
you can do to resurrect the S-E-X part of your relationship.
women who are content with their relationships excluding sexual intimacy. Many
feel they have a full connection emotionally and are therefore fine with companionship
in whatever form that may take, and also happy with having a rich emotional life
with their partners. They do not feel that sex is a necessary part of their relationships.
Intimacy without sex includes cuddling, doing outside activities together,
reading together, and talking about how deeply they feel about things in and out
of the relationship, plus touching including foot massages and back rubs. The
point being, there are many ways to be intimate and not all of them include sex.
LBD is only an issue if one or both of the women in the relationship feel that
If you are in this category, there is nothing wrong with that.
After all, it is your relationship, and if you are happy and content it is no
ones business other than your own. LBD is only an issue if one or both of
the women in the relationship feel it is a problem.
relationships between women that do not include sex are not a new idea. To provide
some background on the matter, there is historic precedence for these types of
relationships, called Boston Marriages, or romantic unions between women that
were usually monogamous but not necessarily sexual. Boston Marriages flourished
in the late nineteenth century. The term was coined in New, England, around the
time that numerous women's colleges such as Vassar, Smith, and Wellesley and Mount
Holyoke emerged. Information on Boston Marriages can be found at a site
called "glbtq: an encyclopedia
of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer culture." Its
a great research tool.
Now, back to LBD. There has been some criticism
over the definition of what a healthy sex life is. The main criticisms leveled
at studies are the definition of sexual contact orgasm oriented genital contact.
Criticisms have been leveled against twists concerning the definition of sex.
For instance, why can't a definition include both partners having some form of
physical contact that would include things like: masturbating with a partner in
different situations, or holding your partner and caressing and kissing her while
The truth about diminished libido is that its not just
a phenomenon of the lesbian community. The issue affects heterosexual and gay
male relationships as well. Research has also shown that there is just as much
-- or little -- sexual contact happening for lesbians as for heterosexual women.
The reality is, if you are in a long-term relationship, eventually even the
sex can get routine and feel like a chore. It can get boring, just like doing
anything by rote. Its fun and great at first, but then you eventually arent
as stimulated as you once were. Again, part of this is going through the stages
of a relationshipincluding the neurochemistry and hormones -- and part of
it is human nature. We continually seek new experiences in exciting and stimulating
What causes LBD? There is much debate over this on the topic, including
scientific explanations around the hormone oxytoxin, explained thoroughly in "Lesbian
Bed Death Explained by Susan Kuchinskas, which can be found on her blog
Hug the Monkey.
If you have been in a relationship and your sex life
was great, but suddenly changed, it could be a physical issue. As weve discussed
in previous articles, there can be many reasons for this including: medications,
peri-menopause, menopause, decreased levels of testosterone, and adrenal stress.
Mental health issues like Depression, Bi-Polar Disorder, or stress or depression
from life circumstances can all contribute to a decrease or can cause your sex
drive to perform a disappearing act.
If there are any changes to your libido, go to a medical practitioner
to make sure everything is working correctly. Always advocate for
yourself and educate yourself on treatment options before agreeing
to any type of treatment. Our previous article The
Amazing Shrinking Sex Drive," which initially ran on
LesbiaNation, chronicles changes in libido.
If there are no physical issues and you
are in the relationship phase after the first bloom fades, LBD can start. The
truth of the matter is that the infatuation stage of a relationship -- also known
as limerance -- is not truly a "love at first sight" type of thing after
all. It is a neurochemical response. Please read our article in the LesbiaNation
archives, Lust vs Love
for the specifics of how hormones and neurochemicals affect our libido and why
There are remedies for LBD, but it does take work at making
your sex life one of your priorities again. In the second part of this article,
we will take a look at different ideas on how to take the labia by the lips and
work to bring our sex lives back to life.
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NOTE: The advice in this column is the opinion of the writers and is not intended
substitute for medical or psychological treatment from a health care