Coming Out To Our Kids

Question: I think I just came out to my boys!
Now what do I do?

First off, deep breaths. It does sound to me like you came out to your boys. One thing to know, kids are smart, and when you become involved with a woman, more than likely, they will figure it out anyway. When I got with my second GF, her daughter was 9, but she already figured it out. Kids are smart like that.

There is no time that is perfect to tell your kids you are gay. I raised a step-daughter with my ex for 9 years. She always knew, and it was tough on her when a schoolmate outted her to her classmates in the 7th grade. This schoolmate’s mother was lesbian too, so it was the ol’ one finger pointing at someone else while three were pointing right back at herself.

That’s the hard thing for kids, because depending on where you live, there may be a lot of prejudice still in the schools. If it’s not from the kids, it is from the teachers themselves, at least that is what I found in Central Florida.

If you live in an area that is really homophobic, then essentially when you come out you have to teach your kids how to handle it, or not handle it, in school and with their friends. It’s sad to teach your kids how to be deceptive about their home life, but it’s even tougher to see them go through hell because of who their parents may be.

It got so bad with my step-daughter, that she dropped out of high school and went to night school as a junior! This was really tough on all of us, because my ex’s parents were high up in the school board! Lord--talk about hell to pay, it was awful, but we supported her decision to escape the persecution of her homophobic classmates, and she turned out fine. The scars are still there though, so I’m just telling you one side of what I saw. Granted, this was 20 years ago, but if you live in a homophobic area, I’m thinking that it may be pretty much the same.

This is just what we had to do, but thought I should tell you so you will see the downside of kids finding out. To me, it really depends on where you live and how the teachers and school view LGBT relationships. If you live in a prejudiced area, and the teachers could be homophobic, then I would advise my child not to tell anyone.

The problem I found is that it was hard to hide a relationship from my daughter’s friends when she brought them home to spend the night. Saying “Tracey is Mom’s roommate” is great, until the child staying the night accidentally walks into the wrong bedroom, and finds her friend’s mom in bed snuggled up to Tracey. Not good at all...