Out To Our Kids
Question: I think I just came out to my boys!
Now what do I do?
First off, deep breaths. It does sound to me like you came out to your boys. One
thing to know, kids are smart, and when you become involved with a woman, more
than likely, they will figure it out anyway. When I got with my second GF, her
daughter was 9, but she already figured it out. Kids are smart like that.
There is no time that is perfect to tell your kids you are gay. I raised a step-daughter
with my ex for 9 years. She always knew, and it was tough on her when a schoolmate
outted her to her classmates in the 7th grade. This schoolmates mother was
lesbian too, so it was the ol one finger pointing at someone else while
three were pointing right back at herself.
Thats the hard thing for kids, because depending on where you live, there
may be a lot of prejudice still in the schools. If its not from the kids,
it is from the teachers themselves, at least that is what I found in Central Florida.
If you live in an area that is really homophobic, then essentially when you come
out you have to teach your kids how to handle it, or not handle it, in school
and with their friends. Its sad to teach your kids how to be deceptive about
their home life, but its even tougher to see them go through hell because
of who their parents may be.
It got so bad with my step-daughter, that she dropped out of high school and went
to night school as a junior! This was really tough on all of us, because my exs
parents were high up in the school board! Lord--talk about hell to pay, it was
awful, but we supported her decision to escape the persecution of her homophobic
classmates, and she turned out fine. The scars are still there though, so Im
just telling you one side of what I saw. Granted, this was 20 years ago, but if
you live in a homophobic area, Im thinking that it may be pretty much the
This is just what we had to do, but thought I should tell you so you will see
the downside of kids finding out. To me, it really depends on where you live and
how the teachers and school view LGBT relationships. If you live in a prejudiced
area, and the teachers could be homophobic, then I would advise my child not to
The problem I found is that it was hard to hide a relationship from my daughters
friends when she brought them home to spend the night. Saying Tracey is
Moms roommate is great, until the child staying the night accidentally
walks into the wrong bedroom, and finds her friends mom in bed snuggled
up to Tracey. Not good at all...
Out Advice For Lesbians, Bisexual and Questioning Women
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