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Advice for young women coming out
and I have spoken to lots of young women concerning ways to prepare for a successful
life as a lesbian or bisexual. Since so many people are coming out at a younger
age, we thought wed put together a few things for anyone who may be experiencing
the fears some of us face when we realize we are different than many other people
in the world.
First thing, if you are having a lot of anxiety and negative
thoughts on who you may be, you have got to change the way you are thinking. You've
got to start thinking positive thoughts in order to change the way your life is
going. If you keep concentrating on your fears, you will continue to have more
fear. If you can visualize what you want for your life, then things will start
moving in your favor. It's all about how you think, and how you think leads to
how you feel, and how you feel can lead you to a better life.
you concentrate on your fears of coming out, the more fear and loneliness you
will have. Like most of us at some point in our lives, you can easily get caught
in a circle of your own making. Kind of like a merry-go-round, going around in
circles and never going anywhere other than the same track it's been on for years.
When you are first coming out it can be really scary, because the way
you thought your life would be may suddenly change. It's one day at a time, and
if you can't handle that, it's one hour at a time, and if you can't handle that,
it's one minute at a time.
Deep breaths and honoring yourself in any
way you can is the best thing I've found that helps me when I'm freaking out.
Meditation, taking long walks in nature, doing artwork or any gift you may have,
are good ways to keep your mind on other things until you are strong enough to
handle the deep-seated issues.
How happy you are in your life really
is all about how you feel inside. No one can make you feel anything, unless you
allow them to do so--its all about how you think.
someone is really nasty to you at work or school. If you choose to dwell on what
happened over and over again, then you are constantly reliving that negative situation.
If you choose to change your thoughts, and release the negative circumstance,
then you are taking back the power of the situation, and you are winning the fight
for yourself in a very positive way. You are changing the way you think, which
will help you to feel better.
Ive found that when I feel good,
I only attract positive, happy people. Things go great, and everything seems like
its flowing with the river of life. If I get scared, weirded out, or a bad
ol' case of PMS blues, then things go downhill pretty darned fast. The computers
crash, my relationships are suddenly on shaky ground, our animals fight, and on
and on and on. It really is all about how we feel inside, and it is so simple
that most people totally miss it, so here are a few things that Kathy and I have
put together to help anyone who is coming out or going through a transition in
As we mentioned above, the most important thing you can do to change your
life is to learn how to think positively. Invest a bit of money in some self-help/Law
of Attraction books that teach you how to control your own thoughts. Some great
ones weve read are: "Excuse Me: Your Life is Waiting" by Lynn
Grabhorn; Ask and It Is Given by Abraham-Hicks Publications; or the
ever popular The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. You can read these as books,
or listen to them as books on CDs. All of them have great ideas on ways to help
you learn how to change your thoughts, which will in turn change your feelings,
which will then change your life.
2. Continue on with your education;
go as far as you can so that you can assure yourself a good and prosperous life.
Pick a couple of vocations that you would love to do, and get as much education
as possible. If you are having financial problems, check at local colleges and
vocational/technical schools for grants or if they have a some kind of work program.
I had a grant and worked as a student assistant, which really helped me A LOT.
Getting an education is very important, because the more education you have in
a good profession, that professionals will be needed in the future, the more successful
your life will be. The happier you are, the more happy, well-adjusted, people
will be attracted to you.
3. Figure out where you want to live,
and make trips to find a job after your schooling. Visualize where you want to
be and who you want to be, and don't wait for your situation to magically change;
do things to make the changes happen yourself.
4. Learn how to
manage and invest money. Establish good credit, but don't overdo the charge cards.
They can get you into a heck of a lot of trouble, so don't use them too much if
at all possible. Suze Orman is a very successful internationally acclaimed personal
finance expert who is also lesbian, and her books are great for learning how to
5. Buy a home in your dream location as soon as
possible. Renting is great, but when you move you have nothing to show for it.
At least if you buy and you ever have to relocate, you will make some money back
on your investment.
are probably hundreds of other things that we could include, but that is basically
what I wish that someone would have told me when I was floundering around in my
know there is more to life than material things, but the truth is that we are
material beings living in a material world. If you can be successful in this material
world, then your spirit will be much happier, and you should be able to attract
to you whatever you may want and need to make you happy, including a wonderful
person to share your life with.
NOTE: The advice in this column is the opinion of the writers and is not intended
substitute for medical or psychological treatment from a health care