Childhood and Sexual Abuse Issues

Childhood and Sexual Abuse Issues

Question: I was molested as a little girl.
Is that why I’m a lesbian now?

Usually, your sexual orientation is there no matter what other things have gone on in your life. I too was molested by 3 different men, many times, and even though I truly believe that I was born lesbian, I will say that my child abuse issues did not help me to think I was straight.

I really kind of thank my abusers; because of them, I came out at 15, and I never had to go through all the stuff many women who do not realize they are lesbian when they are young go through; like getting married to men, having kids, figuring it out and then having to go through painful divorces.

You are what you are, but sexual abuse can cause all kinds of other intimacy issues whether you are with men or with women. My abuse issues ruined two long-term lesbian relationships, and I finally had to go and get intensive therapy to heal myself from those old wounds.

Have you downloaded the Coming Out Guide? You may want to do that. There is a chapter about child abuse that may help you....

Question: I’ve got childhood sexual abuse
issues with men; am I really lesbian?

Your sexuality should really not have anything to do with how anyone has treated you in the past. It’s who you are, not what was done to you. Granted, child abuse issues can really screw us up. I went through every kind of abuse you can imagine, but it didn’t Make Me a lesbian.
I will say that the abuse from men helped me not try to fit into what society thought I should be—in that I didn’t want to be around them so I didn’t give a rat’s ass what society thought. That’s part of where internalized homophobia comes from, because it’s crammed down our throats nonstop that being lesbian is wrong.

Well, if it’s so wrong then why are there documented cases all through the animal kingdom of lesbian, gay, and bisexual animals? My own horse is bisexual, he’s a stallion who loves mares, geldings, and other stallions, and anyone who has been around animals has seen this over and over again. There is a whole section about it in the the Coming Out Guide about gay animals, so I’m not really sure what the big deal is?

You have to put all this stuff that happened behind you, and figure out what YOU want out of life. This is your life, and believe me it is way too short to spend time totally freaking out about what if I’m this or that? You just need to be you, no matter who you are.