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Chapter
4
Sample Page
Communication:
the key to working relationship
Communication—seems easy—but is it really? The
romantic ideal is that your partner knows just what to say
and knows what you want and need, and you won’t have
to say a thing. We get this message from movies, TV, and
romance novels. The reality is that no one can read our
minds, and we can’t get mad at our partners if they
don’t give that hug when we need it or say “I
love you” when we want to hear it the most.
The hard part is learning to ask for that hug or those three
little words that mean so much. Waiting for your partner
to say or do something you want, and her not knowing it,
causes hard feelings on your part and leaves your girlfriend
wondering what’s wrong. It may even get to the point
where you give her the silent treatment or become irritable.
More than likely, she will then get upset and a fight will
start. At some point she may have even asked you what was
wrong and you may have told her “nothing.” This
chapter will help you learn how to communicate more effectively
so that the above scenario happens less and smoother communication
happens more often.
We all have heard that there are two types of communication:
verbal and nonverbal. You never have one without the other.
What might be surprising is that nonverbal takes up the
largest percentage of communication with verbal coming in
a distant second.
The reason for this is that the words are only a small part
of communication. The bulk comes from facial expressions
and body language. For instance, suppose you run into a
friend and ask her how she is doing. She openly smiles and
says, “Fine.” Her arms are at her sides and they’re
relaxed. Now you run into another friend and ask the same
question. This person smiles tightly, nothing more than
a showing of her teeth; her eyebrows are pulled down; her
arms are crossed over her chest and in an angry tone of
voice she replies, “Fine!” Would you think your
friend was “fine” or would you think the answer
was not matching all the other cues given?
We process the nonverbals so automatically we usually don’t
think about it, we just react to it. There are also those
times when we may ask someone how they are and they say
“fine” but they seem subdued. Again, a nonverbal
and more subtle cue than the circumstance just described,
but no less meaningful.
In the circumstance where the verbals don’t match the
angry nonverbals one would usually ask, “What’s
wrong?” In the circumstance where the messages don’t
match and are subtle, we may choose to ask if everything
really is all right, or we may leave it alone and take it
at face value. The best option here would be to err on the
side of caution and ask anyway.
Remember: pay close attention to the verbals and pay even
closer attention to the nonverbals.
HOW
TO BE A HAPPY LESBIAN, A COMING OUT GUIDE
©2005 by Amazing Dreams Publishing. All rights reserved.
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